Pro-Love but Anti-Valentine's Day

On Valentine's day I had to write an anti-Valentine's blog. Yes, yes I did. In a way it's also a blog I've thought about writing for a while but never got around to doing so. These words are not because I'm cynical, single, and alone on Valentine's day. These words are just my opinions and observations. Plus I'm not cynical. Don't peg me wrong; I'm a hopeless romantic. However I've also realized a few things in my life that urge me to be realistic.

In the words of Taylor Swift

I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood

and also in the word's of The Cheetah Girls lyrics

Then one day I realized the fairy tale life wasn't for me I don't wanna be like Cinderella
Sittin' in a dark old dusty cellar
Waiting for somebody, to come and set me free
I don't wanna be like Snow White waiting
For a handsome prince to come and save me
On a horse of white, unless we're riding side by side
Don't want to depend on no one else
I'd rather rescue myself

Hollywood love stories are great because they give people something to dream about and hope for. There's nothing wrong with dreaming that you'll have an epic romantic relationship. I support dreaming, hell I'm a dreamer myself, except I know when to wake up. Walking up to a guy that is way out of my league (as much as I hate leagues, they DO exist) and having him love me for who I am will probably never happen in my life, and I'm okay with that. I say probably because I believe that anything can happen, but at the same time I'm not going to to put all my hopes into a gamble. I'm overly sensitive, so my heart can't play games.

Let's not forget the title of this blog PRO-love but Anti-Valentine's Day. I'm  not against love. Quite the contrary. I think love is one of the greatest emotions, probably the greatest. I've never been head over heels in love with a man, but I know what it feels like to have a tremendous love for family, friends, children, and animals. Love is an amazing feeling. To find one single person to love is probably equally as amazing. Idealy I want to be truely in love with someone. I want to love one person more than I love anything else, however I have a real problem with people who claim that without someone they have nothing.

Don't depreciate your self-worth. Everything you have is not in one person. Your boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife. fiance, etc. can mean the world to you but they are NOT the only thing you have. I hate phraes like "without you I have nothing". Just because you don't have someone, it does not mean that you don't have anything. You have friends, family, and you have yourself. Your life existed before "someone" came along, and if things work out for better and for worse then great! Consider yourself lucky and blessed, but if it doesn't work out remember that life will go on. I have friends that I just want to shake because they refuse to move on when a relationship ends. I can't udnerstand why they want to deprive themselves of happiness by dwelling on the past. You have the present and the future to make the most of, the past is over and behind you.

I guess I'm just full of opinions and lacking in experience. It's easy for me to preach about relationships I've never had. People have made me aware of this when I offer advice. They'll say things such as, "No offense, but you can't understand because you don't know what it's like". I have never claimed to be a relationship Guru, trust me I wouldn't want the stress of such a title anyways. I just know what I do and do not want when it comes to romance.

Speaking of "don't wants" now is as good a time as any to move onto the Anti-Valentines Day portion of my blog. I personally think Valentine's Day is stupid. No, I'm not just saying that because I'm single and bitter aboout it. Even if I were in a relationship right now I would not want my boyfriend to celebrate it. I feel like I shouldn't need a designated day for my man to show me that he loves me. That is just dumb. If you can't tell me that you love me, buy me flowers, cards, candy, and take me out to dinner on a random Tuesday, then don't tell me you love me on Valentine's day because you feel like you're "supposed" to. As far as I'm concerned any day and everyday should be Valentine's Day! It would mean a lot more to me to be told "I love you" on a day that is not an anniversary or "Hallmark Holiday". Valentine's Day is just another day after all. It holds the same opportunity as any other day.

To sum up Valentine's Days a whole: "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn".

Wear Suncreen

 I feel like I am cheating by posting another blog that is not written by me. I have had a lot of thoughts that I wanted to blog lately, but I never sit down and compile them into a blog. Eventually I will get back to blogging on a semi-regular basis. Until then blogs such as this one will have to suffice. This entire blog will consist of lyrics from Baz Luhrmann. The song is entitled "Free to Wear Sunscreen". In my personal opinion, the words of this song are powerful words on life and living it. It gives me a little bit of reassurance every time I listen to the words and really let the meaning of them sink in. Perhaps you'll find it interesting too.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proven by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….You're not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind…the race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own..

Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time it's 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen...

If life's a highway, where's the exit ramp for success?

 There is no doubt about it, life is definitely one long highway. With all these forks in the road, not even a Garmin could navigate life's detours.

I find myself wondering a lot lately, "Where is the time going"? It is flying by and it scares me to death. I feel like my life is passing me by, and I haven't even figured out what to do with it yet. With my twenty-first birthday fast approaching, I feel as if twenty-one is the real adult age.

Kenny Chesney's song "Dont Blink" has never resonated so strongly with me as it does now.  The words practically give me chills.

Don't Blink
Just like that you're six years old and you take a nap
And you wake up and you're twenty-five and your high school sweetheart becomes your wife
Don't blink
Just might miss your babies growin' like mine did
Turning into moms and dads, next thing you know your better half
of fifty years is there in bed
And you're praying God takes you instead
Trust me friend, a hundred years goes faster than you think
So don't blink

As time has sped up in my life, blogging slowed down, like opposing ends of a spectrum. But alas, I have returned to ramble.

Sometimes I wish I could be an author. Reading has always been a favorite pastime of mine. Ever since I was a child, I would dive into books and devour them. To this day it seems I can't indulge my mind enough when it comes to stories. Anyone who knows me can vouch that I am always asking them to tell me a story. My imagination takes off soaring when I read or hear stories. I love fiction. I love nonfiction. Give me a good story and I'll give you a tiny little piece of my heart.

As a child this fascination with books made me a bit of a bookworm. In 1st grade I was moved up to a 3rd grade reading level. None of the 3rd graders liked me because I was younger than them, and well not to sound conceited, but honestly, I was also smarter than them. I used to watch Beauty and the Beast religiously. It is my favorite Disney movie, partly because I felt like I could relate to Belle. She, like I, always "had her nose stuck in a book". The other reason I love Beauty and the Beast is because it portrays a tale of love that sees beyond looks. But if I start talking about that, I will get off topic. So returning now to my topic. When Beast showed Belle the massive library and her eyes lit up, that is me LOL. Rather should I say, that is the feeling I get when I am surrounded by books.

Unfortunately I am NOT a good writer. I wish I were, for as much as I love reading it would seem like a perfect career. A person can love something, but sadly that doesn't mean they are talented enough to do what they love. My future, and what career path I want to pursue has been stressing me out ever since I was a Junior in High School. Here I am a Junior in college and not much has changed as far as choosing a career. My first two years in college were spent double majoring in English and History. That was, up until recently when I decided to completely switch tracks and become a dental hygienist. Now I find myself seriously debating whether dental hygiene is really the career for me. I have no coordination, and I am very clumsy.

One of my closest friends has always wanted to be a nurse. She was sure that she'd be either a RN or a LPN. Recently she obtained her STNA license and got hired at a nursing home. Through that experience at a nursing home she found out first hand what it meant to be a nurse, and decided that it was not for her. She is glad that she found out now instead of in two years, after graduating. I worry that her experience at the nursing home will be my experience when I go to be a dental hygienist. I am aware that this might sound slightly neurotic, but I will be the first to admit that I am kind of crazy.

You shouldn't dwell on the "What ifs" in life, but at times I find it hard not to wonder what if... What if I end up hating dental hygiene? Obviously I have a few choices to answer that question. I can suck it up and make a career out of it anyways, or I can start all over again and do who knows what. Possibly become a Paralegal?

I'm amazed that I've managed to come full circle with the whole point of this blog. That point being : Life would be so much simpler if I could be an author, or journalist. But I won't be, so I'll just have to see how life unfolds for me. At least I have faith that I will eventually figure it out.

Words to live by

I came across this, it is not written by me but I do love it! Here are some very powerful and helpful words to live by.

The Awakening - Author Unknown

A time comes in your life when you finally get it. When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening. You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter). And that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you, and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect, and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are and its OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself, and in the process a sense of newly found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that not everyone will always be there for you, and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers, and you begin to accept people as they are and to over look their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you shouldn't weigh, what you should wear, where you should shop, what you should drive, how and where you should live, what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry, what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing, and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with, and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable, or important because of the man or woman on your arm or the child that bears your name.

You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love. And you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms. Just to make you happy. And, you learn that 'alone' does not mean lonely.

And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up." You also stop working so hard at putting feelings aside, smoothing things over, and ignoring your needs.

You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK. . . and that it is your right to want things that you want. And that sometimes it is necessary to make demands. You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect and you will not settle for less. And you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you, to glorify you with his or her touch. And in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water, and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear, so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul, so you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve. And that much of life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success, you need direction, discipline, and perseverance.

You also learn that no one can do it all alone and its OK to risk asking for help. You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it, and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve, and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected, or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself. by yourself, and you try to make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

Never put all your eggs in one basket

Don't let the catchy title mislead you.

Here's a blog that everyone and anyone can relate to, because it is about relationships ha ha. Ah... relationship, one word with so many meanings. Webster defines it as the following :

 A state of affairs existing between those having relations.

Any way you define it, relationships are a significant part of our lives. Whether it be family, friends, romantic, sexual, or business, they are all relationships. The fact is that people are social beings. Throughout our lives we make many connections. Life is full of relation-webs, I've found this out first-hand. In my twenty years on this earth I've come to form quite a few opinions about relationships and I shall share what I've learned thus far. I'm a big fan of sub-topics and sub-categories so I'm going to break this blog down into subs.

Friendship
Your "best" friend is potentinally your worst enemy. I've found that the closer a person is to you, the harder it hurts when they betray, lie, make fun of you/put you down, and just any mean thing in general. It just hurts worse coming from someone who knows you very well. It's no suprise since by knowing you, they also know how to hurt you. They know your strengths and your weaknesses, and can use them against you. Don't ever think you know everything about someone! No matter how well you think you know a person, I've come to find that you will never fully know them. People can change, people can and will do things that you'd never expect them to do, which could be good or bad. Always be careful if you put your trust in a friend, trust is not easily obtained, but it is easily destroyed.

Shallow Hal Syndrome

It seems that many Americans are suffering from the growing epidemic I like to call "Shallow Hal Syndrome".

Symptoms include: an extremely high emphasis on appearance, vanity, negativity, superficiality, being judgmental, and at the root of it all: insecurity.

If you are unfamiliar with the reference,"Shallow Hal" is a 2001 movie staring Jack Black and Gwyneth Paltrow. Below is a quick summary of the movie, the summary is not written by me, it is directly excerpted from imdb.com. Basically a shallow man falls in love with a 300 pound woman because of her "inner beauty"

"Following the advice of his dying father, Hal dates only women who are physically beautiful. One day, however, he runs into self-help guru Tony Robbins, who hypnotizes him into recognizing only the inner beauty of women. Hal thereafter meets Rosemary, a grossly obese woman whom only he can see as a vision of loveliness."

This blog is not a movie review. But if you've seen "Shallow Hal" you can see how it somewhat connects. What I am really trying to understand is why people think so negatively. For instance, when we see an attractive man with a woman, whom we deem to be not as attractive as him, or vice versa, a beautiful woman with an ugly man, more often than not the first thought is something negative. A good majority of people would say/think "He is out of her league" or  "What is she doing with him, she could do better".

Today a scenario similar to the ones I just described happened while I was at work. An attractive man came into the store holding the hand of a woman who was obese, she was obviously much larger than him, and according to my co-workers "uglier". One worker even proceeded to joke that "He must have a small penis". Automatically she resorted to negativity. Did it even cross her mind that maybe the woman has an amazing personality? It must be too hard for them to believe that a hot guy might not be shallow. Another co-worker  chuckled at the small penis comment and replied "If his penis ain't small then he must be with fatty moo-moo because of money, or he's a chubby chaser". More negativity! Those comments are rude and unnecessary. Quite frankly, they make the people who said them look vain, shallow, mean, and insecure.

One of my theories on the negativity sweeping our society focuses on insecurity. Maybe people make these negative comments  in order to make themselves feel better about the fact that an ugly person was able to snag a hottie. If negativity truly stems from insecurity then I am a little more compassionate towards people who resort to negative comments. I understand all too well what it feels like to be insecure. My self-esteem is basically non-existent. I HATE compliments, but I am just realistic. The truth is most people I know are smarter, prettier, and funnier than me. I honestly don't compare, and competition really isn't my forte, so I don't try to. Ahh okay I'd rather focus on other people's negativity and self-image rather than my own.Yes, I know it is a little hypocritical, but oh well.

I just can't express enough how much I hate American society and the emphasis we put on image. I can't stand how shallow and judgmental people can be. We put way too much value on appearance. The prettiest people do some of the ugliest things. It is not all about looks. Being hot does not make up for an ugly personality, at least not as far as I'm concerned. I have yet to see a "sexy" 60, 70, or 80 year old. Looks fade, I'd much rather be with a guy who can make me laugh, or who is smart and has integrity. Long after looks are gone, what is inside remains.  I realize that the phrase "It's what's inside that counts" is cliche, but it is true, so call me cliche and I'll see it as a good thing.

Have you ever watched a make-over show and found yourself wowed at a person's transformation? It is shocking how hair, make-up, clothes, teeth, implants, and liposuction can transform a person. I like to think that part of what makes them suddenly so beautiful is their new found confidence. Confidence that sadly had to come from looks. But it is no wonder so many people feel like they aren't pretty enough. Media makes us think that we have to be perfect to be pretty. I mentioned that hair and make-up can make a person look completely different.  Here is a great example of how someone really looks vs. the end product that media shows us.



The video above is a Dove commercial. Dove does an amazing job of campaigning for "Real Beauty" and empowering women to see that they don't have to be perfect. They attempt to teach young girls to have healthy self-esteem. It is also a part of the Dove mission to show the general public that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, they want to redefine beauty. I fully support this campaign.

Here is another Dove commercial that I think is very profound

Readers Beware

Warning: I tend to ramble and have lots of unfascinating thoughts

It seems almost wrong to start blogging without making my first blog an introductory one. I'm not really sure if there is some secret blogger code, a sort of unwritten rule, stating that this is the case. However, in order to be a cool kid/conformist, I'm going to follow suit and jump on the bandwagon of "introductory blogs". Actually, I think it's a good idea to let readers know what they're getting into (haha if anyone actually reads this). Imagine this blog as one of those cool, flashy movie trailers, except of course it is written. So technically it is more like the back cover of a book, you know those awesome summaries that say what the book is about in hopes that you will want to read more.

With that being said, it's probably good to start with the basics. I am a twenty year old college student, who lives a typical boring life (haha oh yeah I bet you're dying to read more now!). I was born, raised, and live in Columbus, Ohio which is Buckeye city baby! O-H...I-O! If you're familiar with Columbus, Ohio then you might know how amusing it is to yell O-H while driving down High Street, those good ole college kids! Moving on with the about me details, I absolutely adore animals and children, so much so that they might be common blog topics for me. Laughing is my favorite thing to do. I am constantly laughing, and I am very easily amused. I will probably blog about things that I find amusing, and make lame jokes thinking that I'm funny.

Traveling is amazing! Sadly I have yet to visit not even half of the places on this earth that I want to. But traveling adventures end up being some of the best stories. I will definitely blog about any road trips or vacations I take. Thoughts can be very dangerous, and I think about things way too much. My mind always has half a million thoughts running through it. At times it makes me feel crazy! Blogs are a good place to vent and release those thoughts. There will be a lot of "Judy's Thoughts" blogs. I'm likely to blog any time a thought strikes me and compels me enough to turn it into a blog.

If you are still reading this by the time you've reached this portion of the blog, then you can't say that you haven't been warned. Also by now you should know the types of blogs I'll be writing and a little bit about my life, as well as me as a person. So you should know whether or not you want to read more.

If you're interested at all:
This is the story of a girl along with her many thoughts, bad jokes, and the occasional random side story. Feel free to follow me and/or leave comments. I believe I just completed blogging 101! Woot woot